5.4.19

Dari balik jendela di atas bus menuju rumah

Ada bapak-bapak di atas jpo, karung isi gelas plastiknya penuh. Duduk bersandar menatap lautan kendaraan di bawah, berlaju-laju berdesakan menuju rumah. Ada adik-adik tak jauh, duduk meringkuk dengan baju biru tua kesukuannya, ada gelas di bawahnya, bisa kau masukkan koin kalau kenan. Ada supir bus yang meneriaki kernetnya karna tak kunjung lekas "sudah cepat, tidak usah ditunggu penumpang yang berlama-lama! " kemudian ia menginjak gas. Dari balik jendela bus yang supirnya marah-marah, kau lihat seorang bapak mendorong gerobak rujak, dagangannya habis.

Berbelok sedikit, kau lihat gedung-gedung, lampunya gemerlapan, diam-diam kau mimpi suatu saat digaji besar dengan duduk-duduk di balik meja di salah satu lantai tingginya, menghadap ke luar dengan jendela lebar, ke pucuk-pucuk gedung di seberang jalan-atau ke bawah, di sana manusia lalu lalang berebutan asap ibu kota.

Kota ini meniupkan napas yang berbeda-terasa aneh, terasa dekat, dan familiar. Terlalu banyak ragam perasaan di raut muka orang-orang yang berpapasan. Kota ini menghimpun terlalu banyak rasa manusia, di sela-sela klakson dan pelanggar-pelanggar lampu merah. Terlalu banyak, hingga kemudian kaupun jadi lupa tentang rasa. Lupa cecap nya, dan semua yang kau lihat sepanjang perjalanan pulang tadi tinggal adegan-adegan yang tak terekam lama dalam ingatan, terasa hambar. Lama-lama kau jadi pelupa. Semua jadi rutin, kau pulang dan pergi, yang lain jadi sekelebatan. Tak meninggalkan apapun, malah menagih desak waktumu. Maka suatu hari kau sampai rumah, lelah, dan mengingat-ingat dengan resah: "Rasanya aku tidak dapat apa-apa dari perjalanan ini"

6.8.17

This girl once again asked to stop the time

My first time wishing stop the time from clicking was when i was at 4th grade. That was the time when my older bro and sis left home to get to boarding school out of the city. As the youngest one i just realized i missed being teased by those two. I did want to stop growing up, I didnt want anybody to get older either, to keep them around me, to keep me company.

But then she came to our family, took over my position as the youngest and spoiled-est. My young lil sister. She was the one i secretly took to accompany me taking my T-shirt on second floor at the peak of maghrib time, even when she was asleep, only because i was too afraid going there by myself. She was the one i idly showed my love to, but surely i do love her much, i just dont want to spoil her or simply bcs i just cant express affectionate action.

Now we were scattered and i was alone again, and for the second time i do want to stop the gushing time. It wont, of course.

Its true that we reflect ourselves leaving our young skin by watching someone else's growing up too (wow, i realize i am much older now that i see her all grown up!). Living at the present they say, but i am still in awe how time has changed me and people around me. And it takes so much guts to keep walking on this puzzling adulthood.
I wish i could freeze the time.


~

Just realized I never set good writing provides in prologue-main issue-epilogue systematically. But uh at least i tried to spill my chaotic thought here ketimbang q express it randomly on my Instagram Story where people are clueless about me. I chose to post it here, hide on this public yet personal sanctum on my very own diary hehe